Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
