that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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