Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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