ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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