Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
