I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize