i already hear my dad disowning me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
