i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
