PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
