Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
