This girl is more easily done than said...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
