Dual....:-)
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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