i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
