My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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