You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
