my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize