Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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