if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
