i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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