I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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