If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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