i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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