Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize