A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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