Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I did not marry a roomba.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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