On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
