Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
