yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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