Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
