Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
