We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
