you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
