I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
