Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
