Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
