i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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