2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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