Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
