I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
