Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
