You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
