Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
