and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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