i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
