So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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