just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
