i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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