the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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