I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
