I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
