so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
