Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
