I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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