Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
