u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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