I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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