You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
