OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
