I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
