She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
