Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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