When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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