Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
