# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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