check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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