What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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