when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
