sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
