Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
