what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
