I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
