If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
