My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
