Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
