Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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