I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
