Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
