My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
