they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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