im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
