If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
