she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
