I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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