her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize