I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dicks are not precious.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
