You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
