I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize