i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
