She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
