I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
