Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
