and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
