so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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