but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
