I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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