I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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