I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
